Things lately for me have been so up and down I don't know which was to turn honestly. I got a job at sears I am so thrilled about its something that I LOVE to do and really enjoy it. Also the time away form Tyler is nice as well. I love my son mommy breaks are just nice as well.
One of the main things that is really getting it to me is my biological father. I don't know him I've never had him in my life. He has never been there ran away, I lived in CA for 14 YEARS and the man never ounce cared enough ed to see me. I know I'm better off without him, however all the times when I was a child and all those memories of just wanting my dad there. Part me is still wanting to talk to him. Not have him be that DADDY just talk to him too see why he never tried. He called me 2 weeks ago and basically a 3 min phone call consisted of well are you "SURE" I'm your father. I identical to him from the photo's I have It just makes me so upset that he is 47 and still just wont come to terms he has a daughter. I don't want money, I don't want a DADDY, I just want to talk to the man and know what he's like to know if I get some of my traits from him. I just want to know ! It hurts so bad and its embarrassing that I'm 21 and embarrassed about this.
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Rick and I were talking also the other night about something and I mentioned that I had always wondered were I'd be if I would have actually followed my dear and done MP/Security Forces K-9. Instead of sticking in Utah taking dumb retail jobs, Its always been something I wanted to do . I think I stuck around to take care of my family, I felt like if I were to leave then I'd be abandoning them since then I was helping them out with bills. I just have been wondering a lot of what would I be now. Would I be married ? Would I have a SON? just lots of questions that are un-answered I know I love my son and wouldn't trade him for anything and in time I think this will go away. (the wondering aspect)
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Still don't have a lot of friends out here. I have 1 honestly and they've got Orders out of here in March :(. I have a hard time being myself around people. Even my Husband says I cant be myself no one wants to be my friend. I miss my Best Friend a lot, I've tried to make MORE friends out here its hard I don't seem to find somewhere to fit in. Everyone seems to already have a little group of close friends so its just a little hard to find a place to squeeze myself in. Within the next month we should be moving on Base so maybe I'll be able to find more friends that way.. I sure hope so
That's about all the update I have being a mommy is Full time and dont have alot of extra time I normally start doing something and half the time if I'm on the computer I get pulled away sitting doesnt happen 90% of the time lol.
:)
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