Enjoying ...

Actually enjoying things here in Goldsboro, yes its boring as all heck here. Overall it just takes alot of adjustment to get used too. Tyler is growing so fast I don't know what happened to my little tiny baby (ok he was never tiny but he was a little baby). I miss that stage of he just slept and ate. Now I he doesn't stop moving. As of lately he refuses to nap, he maybe took a 30 min nap today needless to say it was a LONG day. He loves when we go to the gym on base he get's to play with kids in the daycare and seems to enjoy it. I think ounce he's a bit older I might put him back into Kindercare just to get that other kid experience he needs to have. I<3 him and just want him to socialized and have friends growing up.

Rick mentioned the idea of Japan the other day, I'm not sure how I feel about Japan. Seems like it'd be really hard adjustment to move oversea's. At this point though I'd hate to take Tyler away from his grandparents and what not but, I'm kindof over all the drama that's going on. I'm married I have my own family and my own issues. I dont want to be involed with anyone elses issues right now. I think its just a wee bit too much. I try to fix everything and I need to learn how to stop doing that.

Still really dont hang out with too many people. I think I'm too standoffish and dont wanna intrude on people. I've always had a complex about meeting people its a little dumb, just gotta figure out how to get over it in a way.

I did however get my Photography stuff set up and ready and raring to go so I can start getting somewhat of an income so I can start helping to pay off our debt. I want everything paid off expect the truck by the end of this year :). That inculded ricks Christmas present we just got for him :)>. He Loves his bike so I'm happy he got it and he needed an outlet to have some fun.

We've still got our 4 wheeler and Dirt bike we are hoping this summer to use more and more. For Tyler's first b-day we are going to go to Busco Beach and have a camp out with uncle Chris and he'll get to go on a 4 wheeler ride with his mommy. Plus go swimming more this summer he loved going in the pool last summer so I want to make sure we keep going. Even if its to the YMCA he loved as well.

Our Life is still all crazy Rick got some AMAZING news I'm so proud of my husband for. We know he's TDY sometime soon which is no biggie. I need to get my new desktop soon so when he goes he can see Tyler from home while he's gone. :) Military housing is actually alot better than I imagined and honestly kindof enjoy it here. Its alot better than were I used to live in Goldsboro. Rick LOVES his garage and he's got all his stuff in there. Hoping this week we'll be able to get the fence put up so the dogs have their own space which they desperately need.

I've still got some decorating to do and need to fix up the spare room/Office for when Rick's brother comes down to visit he's not sleeping in a room just with a futon in it. Doubt I'm going to paint maybe throw up some Wall decor but not get too crazy in there. I still need to do Tyler's and Our Room and the Dinning room and one wall in the Living room is Oddly bare.

-- Well off to do homework

New Year, New Me....

Its been a long time since I've been able to sit down and actually write something. Tyler's napping so I'm on the front deck, perfect time to write some.


Its been an Year, there has been up's down's and all the rest of those fun life type of stuff people have to overcome. My son was born in April of 2010 :) I couldnt imagine him not being here, its crazy to think he'll be a year old in a few short months. I <3 him very much and he's an awesome baby and little pain in the butt sometimes but overall an awesome baby.

This new year I'm hoping to really concentrate on me and my family. To finish my schooling by April, to get my photography more out there and really learn about everything about starting an actually bussiness, I've got the talent now its just to apply it and make something out of it.

Hopefully this year I can also work on my handwritting more and getting it to were I want it to be. (I'm 21 and hate how I write I know I can fix it though). Also looking to make more friends, really the one person i connect with out here has orders outta here early next year. Tyler Loves her daughter that will be hard to say goodbye to her and evan.

Rick's deploying this year its just common knowledge I know its going to happen already preparing for it. I'm ready for it when the time comes. its something that comes along with the military. I get irritated when some people act like its the end of the world. I know life will go on and I just have to go into it with that attitude.

By summer time I'm hoping to be back down too 130 pounds again and finally get rid of all this excess babyness I've acciqured when I had my son, I know it takes time so I'm just watching what I'm eating and working out hoping it will pay off in time.

That's what my new year starting today...... Hopefully it goes as planned

Life Moves on Slowly...

Things lately for me have been so up and down I don't know which was to turn honestly. I got a job at sears I am so thrilled about its something that I LOVE to do and really enjoy it. Also the time away form Tyler is nice as well. I love my son mommy breaks are just nice as well.

One of the main things that is really getting it to me is my biological father. I don't know him I've never had him in my life. He has never been there ran away, I lived in CA for 14 YEARS and the man never ounce cared enough ed to see me. I know I'm better off without him, however all the times when I was a child and all those memories of just wanting my dad there. Part me is still wanting to talk to him. Not have him be that DADDY just talk to him too see why he never tried. He called me 2 weeks ago and basically a 3 min phone call consisted of well are you "SURE" I'm your father. I identical to him from the photo's I have It just makes me so upset that he is 47 and still just wont come to terms he has a daughter. I don't want money, I don't want a DADDY, I just want to talk to the man and know what he's like to know if I get some of my traits from him. I just want to know ! It hurts so bad and its embarrassing that I'm 21 and embarrassed about this.


--

Rick and I were talking also the other night about something and I mentioned that I had always wondered were I'd be if I would have actually followed my dear and done MP/Security Forces K-9. Instead of sticking in Utah taking dumb retail jobs, Its always been something I wanted to do . I think I stuck around to take care of my family, I felt like if I were to leave then I'd be abandoning them since then I was helping them out with bills. I just have been wondering a lot of what would I be now. Would I be married ? Would I have a SON? just lots of questions that are un-answered I know I love my son and wouldn't trade him for anything and in time I think this will go away. (the wondering aspect)


--

Still don't have a lot of friends out here. I have 1 honestly and they've got Orders out of here in March :(. I have a hard time being myself around people. Even my Husband says I cant be myself no one wants to be my friend. I miss my Best Friend a lot, I've tried to make MORE friends out here its hard I don't seem to find somewhere to fit in. Everyone seems to already have a little group of close friends so its just a little hard to find a place to squeeze myself in. Within the next month we should be moving on Base so maybe I'll be able to find more friends that way.. I sure hope so

That's about all the update I have being a mommy is Full time and dont have alot of extra time I normally start doing something and half the time if I'm on the computer I get pulled away sitting doesnt happen 90% of the time lol.

:)

Just want to throw my Hands up and say "You WIN"

Ever just feel like there is someone out there trying to bring you down.
Give you ever single hurdle you can think of and make you cross them with no
support or help and having a 4 month old at the same time ?

That's how I'm feeling lately. I know everything happens for a reason, and all that jazz. Just sometimes it feels like its all too much to handle at ounce. I'm hoping within the next couple of weeks I'll have a job (God willing). I know that will help alot. I've made a promise to myself to go to the Gym 3x's a Week for 90 mins each. So I'm hoping that will help with everything. I'm starting to lose weight slowly which is better than nothing.

I'm still doing photography, just not really advertising because it doesn't seem to be worth it out here. There are so many people who are doing it. When we go back to UT. I might book a session or two while I'm there.

Rick and I are hoping within the next couple of years we can make our way back to the West Coast. I'm having a hard time adjusting out here still and we've almost been here a year. Come September we will have been in NC for a year.

Its weird to think that Tyler has been here for 4 months. He's a Mellow tempered child, he has his moments. That's for sure but overall he's a great baby. He is so much like his father, Rick and I were throwing around the Idea of another child right around after Tyler's 1st Birthday . Well that is only talk as of now though.

We have applied for base housing. The way its looking we might barley make the list to get a house on base. I really hope we do cause having to rent is getting real old, real fast. Especially with 2 Large Dogs with no backyard. Needless to say they are stir crazy to say the least.

We are planning a trip to UT in September (YAY) so my parents and family can meet Tyler. Also for my sister's wedding. Rick might be able to see his best friend just before he deploys I know that'd mean alot to Rick so I'm hoping he gets to see him.

Part of me wants Rick to Deploy soon because this whole waiting game of ok when is it going to happen again. Is more stressful than the actually deployment part of it from what I remember from his last deployment anyway,

Still really only have one person I hang out with on a semi-normal basis and that's about it Christa Left, Sheila is gone and Jenn is gone too. Kind-of sucks but oh well that's military life. Just sometimes sitting at home with the baby all day long gets to the point that you just need to get out before you lose IT. Which I admit I've gotten there quite a few times with him. Not that I don't love him just sometimes it gets hard.

Rick's been working some crazy crazy hours and its taking a toll at times with us which is to be expected. I barley see him more than for maybe 2 hours a day the last 3 weeks have gone. It seems like he always gets screwed over and ends up staying later. I know its a job and the benefits make up for most the bad things that has happened. Sometimes a good whine just feels good though.

I hate that my school has taken a back burner lately. I just keep running into hurdles every time I get started again. I know I will finish it just might take a little longer than I normally expected :(.

Been Slacking..

Tyler is getting so big. He is just over 3 months, I cannot beleive how big he has gotten. Also that I gave birth three months ago blows my mind. I still have some excess babyness left of me that reminds me but overall I dont even remember sometimes I'm a mom. Oh course I know I'm a mom but its just not the overwhelming concern. About my child, I love him dearly but I had no problem leaving him for a little while with a sitter I was a little anxious but I was overall just fine with it.

He's learned that he can scout himself in a circle if he wants to go somewhere so now he refuses to roll over. He's a freaking little monster, however he's not little by no means. He's 16lbs and 11oz's and almost 26 inches. Pretty soon within the next month he'll be getting a new car seat :) We are thinking about the Safety First Air protect car seat. I love it and its very very safe seat and can use it for a long time to come.

He loves to laugh and play. He knows Rick & I's faces as well now too and if you talk to him he'll just grin and grin. Especially when daddy sings "tittes and beer" to him. My husband just loves to push my buttons with singing them songs to him. Tyler just LOVES them though

---

I am still trying to go to school. I've recently had to stop just because I was getting so frusrated with it I needed a small break. However I will be starting that right back up within the next week. I've also think I've found a Gym out here I'm going to join so I can get back into my pre- baby body asap. Overall things arent looking as bad as they were before.

Some things have changed I still dont have many good friends out here. I know it just takes time. That and I have a hard time opening up to people I wish people knew the REAL me but there is like 2 people who know the real me my ex(David) and my Best friend (Rennie).

I'm a little out there but I know I'm a good person. Rick and I are doing alright, things are still going along. Married is still a hard thing to adjust too at time. Especially because Rick and I are so much alike. I refuse to ask for help and when I do need help I need it. Rick is so stubborn that he wont acknowledge that he is getting overwhelmed as well. Its a big ole circle of nonesense since were both so sutbborn.

We've been married 13 months or so and honestly it just seems like a wirlwind. We have an idea of when he might be deploying again. Which is kindof sad I knew it was coming, I know I'll be fine I was last time. Just now I have Tyler and also I'll be away from family and my friends since were in NC. I know everything will work out just a waiting game on that part of it.

Rick and I were disscusing having more kids. Both him and I decided that after we have a baby girl that we will be done. For Bio-logical kids. I've always wanted to adopt ever since I can remember and Rick is open to the idea however I know that it'll just take some time. I honestly want to have another one about 3 to 4 years from now and then wait for another 5 or so. Just because my body and pregnancy were not excatly friends :). I'm 21 now so I'll be 24 or 25 when I have another which I thing is just fine.

I've been throwing around the idea of getting a part time job. Not sure if I want to actively purrsue this or not. I'm still debating, I mean I applied at a job the other day at a gym. Because I was there and just decieded to go for it. I mean if I get it that's great if I dont that's alright as well. The extra income would be really nice actually. We arent hurting for money but I could pay off some credit cards.

------

I took Tyler's 3 month photo's as well this is my Favorite

Still Going Along..

Things are good, in most aspects. Still working on making our marriage better (who isn"t). Tyler turned 2 months old 2 days ago. I love this little guy so much, stil adjusting some with him getting used to his bec and call. But its good for the most part.

I had put off on Kinder care for a while just because I didnt know about getting the money situated but now I think we are going to put him in kinder care because it'd be the best thing so I still have My time and he get sociallized with other kids and other people. I just love him so MUCH. it'll be hard to leave him most the day. But I know its the best option for us !

I've made a couple friends out here, christa and shelia and anne are all really cool people. Other than that I dont feel like I can really "click" with other people. they just seem two faced or just people who I cant be myself with. Anyone who knows me damn well knows I dont keep my mouth shut. I am the type of person that if you piss me off I'll call you out. I dont think I can really do that with people out here.

Oh Well though I dont care honestly :)> I've got my son and school to do, I'm still enjoying photography I just know that out here its not worth pursing as a Career because SOO many people are Attempting to make a name for themselves I refuse to sell myself for nothing to compete with their prices. I have a better quailty picture so I wont lower my price. So I'll wait tell we are able to PCS (hopefully back to Hill AFB).

Almost a Year DAMN

Yep I'll be married for a year in 23 days. Honestly It doesnt feel like it, sometimes I look bad and really do believe when people say the first year is the hardest. In Our case it was Moving, me being pregnant having Tyler and a bunch of little things added on in there. At the same time I cant imagine me anywhere else. I mean I can but I wouldnt be truly happy. The saying" The grass isnt always greener on the other side is right". Yes sometimes I wanna pack up and leave but no one's relationship is perfect and if it is well BITE ME. :)

Rick got news on an upcoming deployment and I'm not too thrilled with it. Were disscussing me going back to Utah for the time that he's deployed. However my parents dont really have room, and as mush as I LOVE my grandma I cant live with her again I'll go CRAZY.

I have a cute little on sleeping next to me. He's getting so damn big ! He is almost 11lbs We go in on the 17th for his 2 month checkup and he gets his shots :(. That's gonna be a hard day for me I think more than him. mostly he's a very very MELLOW child and I love it. For the past couple days though he's been more fussy than usual I've chocked it up onto a growth spurt he seems to be getting over it now.

I had my 6 week checkup and everything is good to go. Now I just gotta deal with TriCares BS to get my IUD approval faxed to My OB's office AGAIN. Gosh free medical is great but a huge pain in my ass sometimes.

I weigh 158 :( BOOOO Yeah I'm not too thrilled with that number I weigh TOOO much for me I need to lose 20 lbs and that'd be IDEAL I dont have to nessacrly fit back into my 5/6 but my 7/8's is what I'm shooting for.

I've taken all the junk out of the house Rick doesnt know it yet. I'm super serious about losing weight I hate wearing size 12's its absoutely ridiculus that I am wearing that size. I've got to get fitted for my brides maid dress middle of this month I want to drop at least 5lbs before then my dilema is I'm going to be losing weight and I dont know if I should order a size down or not ?? Gah the decision just suck lol.

Well I better go get baby up to eat he's slept 4 hours straight w.o eating and he needs to sleep tonight so time to wake him